In 1977, when I was 21 years old, I survived a terrorist attack. I was working as an intern in the Employment Office at Mobil Oil Corporation. A terrorist, assuming the role of a job applicant, left a bomb in an umbrella 10 feet away from my desk. Miraculously, I was not injured physically from the explosion, but I have struggled with PTSD symptoms for many years, including flashbacks, dissociation, memory loss, and nightmares. I struggled to find ways to stay functional, but I found the greatest strength from my two ‘healthy’ addictions of competitive long distance running and breeding show dogs.
In the early 1980’s, most of my friends were in the dog show/breeding community. People knew me as a breeder and exhibitor of Boston Terriers, not as a survivor of a terrorist attack. In the dog show community. I was the same as everybody else which normalized me during a time when I felt isolated and broken. The dog show community gave me purpose and an identity.
In 2006, I started looking for a second breed. The Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever, also known as a Toller, fit my requirements perfectly. In the Spring of 2007, I got my first Toller, Turner. Tollers are remarkable dogs in terms of their intelligence and intuition. Turner had a huge impact on my life as he became the service dog I didn’t know I needed.
Turner and I were inseparable. He was my performance dog, my companion and my protector. He understood my emotional states and recognized my anxiety better than I did. I could mask my emotions in front of people, but not with Turner. He gave me strength when I needed it most as he was always checking on me.
There were days when I did not want to get out of bed because of depression. On those days, he’d jump up on the bed and dump his slimy toys on my chest until I got up. He made me laugh. He increased my awareness of the onset of panic attacks and flashbacks, enabling me to manage them and sometimes avert having them at all. I became able to recognize the early signs of my anxiety and panic attacks and deal with them before they interrupted my ability to function.
One day I was laying on the couch, scrolling through my phone. I started reading a news report about violence, which was (and still is) a trigger for me. My heart was pounding in my chest and I could feel my breathing become more rapid and shallow. I was frozen…..until a 42 lb. dog jumped up on the couch and sat on my chest, knocking the phone out of my hand with his paw. As my phone crashed onto the hardwood floor, Turner laid himself down on my body and put his head on my shoulder. There he was, providing deep pressure to calm me after he stopped me from reading something that upset me.
In March of 2022, at the age of 15, Turner crossed the rainbow bridge. It was tough to lose him, even though I had two other Tollers. I don’t think there will ever be another dog like him. He understood me better than any friend or therapist. No matter how much I was struggling, he was always there for me, keeping me calm and making me feel safe. He held space for me in a way no one else could without being able to speak a word.
My experience with Turner is a testimony to the incredible love and power of canine companionship. Although Turner is no longer with me, my bond with my other dogs remains a profound source of healing and strength. The power of a dog’s unconditional love and companionship is a quiet force that heals in ways words cannot—restoring trust, easing loneliness, and offering a sense of safety even when the world feels unpredictable.